Following His Call

In thinking how to write this post, I realize that it will be difficult to convey all of the little nudges that I've received from the Lord in the last year. I will try to share these experiences as best I can, but I guess really Ed and I are the only ones that have to understand all of this.

Following the Lord's will is every Christian's goal. Many times we feel a nudge from the Lord and ignore it for selfish reasons saying to ourselves, "I don't have time for that" or better yet the ultimate truth--"I just don't want to do it." We want to do what God wants as long as it fits neatly into our little lives and doesn't cause any disruption. I am like the masses and like my life to be controlled by me. As any Christian knows, if you don't surrender yourself completely God has a funny way of "helping" you along. My little bit of help came in the form of cancer. I've said it before that I realized how strong my faith was during my cancer experience. Even now, 2 years later, I rely on that faith because I can never leave cancer behind. It's always lurking in the shadows of my mind. My faith gives me peace.

I have struggled with my desire for more children and now in the face of an upcoming hysterectomy I thankfully have peace. I believe God has taken my ability to bear children away so that He can replace it with something bigger. Bigger than just my selfish desire for more children--an opportunity to live the gospel.

This summer I read a book called Quaker Summer. It was about a Christian woman who realizes she is living in her own "Christian" world (safe from all that's "ugly") and not really living out the gospel. She's not doing the work that Jesus told us to do. This book really stirred my heart. We are so abundantly blessed, but what do we do with it. The answer ashamedly was nothing. We enjoy our little bubble of goodness and hardly step outside of it. This bothered me and upon talking with Ed he felt the same way. So we began thinking and praying about how we could serve the Lord better? What was He calling us to do?

Matthew 25:31-46 are powerful verses in the bible. Many of you know them, but I will share them here for those not familiar with this passage. In this passage Jesus is telling about the Final Judgement.
"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on the throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me'.

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.'

This is powerful scripture. I know that I want to be among the sheep, yet right now I sadly feel like one of the goats. I have felt that gentle nudge from the Lord for months now. God's opportunity for us to serve the least of these. Ed and I have had many discussions about "being called". I have felt the Lord leading us to adoption. Initially I ruled it out due to finances, but the Lord has shown me that my vision of adoption has been wrong. I have been thinking about an infant, but that may not be what He has planned for us. If adoption is our calling then he will provide a way.

As summer turned into fall and the feeling of of being unsettled has tormented me, I've seen the Lord opening doors. A friend on a message board that I love obeyed the call and packed up her family, sold their business and moved across the country to become house parents in a foster care program. I have been so blessed by reading her blog. If you are interested you can read it HERE. I have also met a family in our church that has adopted locally and has information about an agency and the process. I'll be talking with her at church tonight. I am currently reading A Purpose Driven Life in my women's bible study. It continues to point me back to this path. God is showing me the way, but I have fought it to be honest. I've given all of the reasons we can't adopt an older child or children. All of the negative possibilities, but you know what? Every reason I can come up with is completely self-serving. I don't want to miss God's plan. I surrender!

So if you have lasted this long, it all boils down to this:

Ed and I are looking into fostering/adopting. We are contacting agencies and waiting on information. We don't know how many children, how old, or what their situations will be. We just know that the Lord is in control and He will complete our family as He sees fit. The children we are supposed to have will be given to us.

My favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11.

"For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

He has a plan for our lives and we are excited to see it unfold.