The Difference A Verb Makes

I do not like to shop. Well that's not completely true. I do not like to shop for myself. I love shopping for gifts for others or for clothes for my daughter, but if it comes to something for myself--no way. I now am faced with an interesting predicament. I have to "shop" online for our future children. It is the strangest feeling browsing the many websites that offer photo listings of waiting children. I put in the parameters for what we think we want and these little faces come up on my screen. I look at each one waiting for the feeling of connection. Could this be our daughter? Is this the sibling group we are supposed to adopt? Unfortunately the websites don't list much information about these children. Some you are able to rule out because they need to be the only child in the home or they need to be the youngest or oldest child in the home. They just won't fit into our family based on their needs. Most of them though fall into "this could be the one" category. How do you decide? How do you decide who will be your children and who will be left behind hoping for a family? My prayer has been that the Lord will show us our children with such clarity that we will have no doubt that they were chosen just for us. Things of faith and spirit often aren't as clear as I'd like. I want black and white and many times they are grey.

Shopping for our children is an unusual process. I guess I need to look at it as a gift for these children and not as something for myself and perhaps that will make the process more enjoyable. Giving a home, family and love to some children is much more altruistic than satisfying my own need for a bigger family. As I type this I've realized that maybe I need to also change my vocabulary. Instead of "shopping" for our children, I think I'll begin thinking of it as SEARCHING for our children. Somehow that simple changing of a verb makes the entire process different. It seems so much more intentional vs. something you do lightly on a Saturday at the mall. So now I'm off to browse the internet to find our future family...weird, huh?